Alex: What did you do to this car, woman?!
Me: I set you up for excellence.
Alex: You set me up to run into a Mercedes!
Me: You’re welcome.
Alex: What did you do to this car, woman?!
Me: I set you up for excellence.
Alex: You set me up to run into a Mercedes!
Me: You’re welcome.
JoAnna: In Ireland, I met the cutest Scottish guy. I have a picture. [shows picture]
Me: Oh, yes. What was his name? I hope it was like…. Ian.
JoAnna: Euan!
Me: YES!!!!!!!!!
Me: What else do you want to do in Hawaii?
Alex: I really just want to relax, but by day 4, we’ll need something to do.
Me: Yeah. I mean, you can only have so much sex and drink so much wine.
Alex: That sounds like a challenge.
Me: Babe, I’d like to make you a very important promise.
Alex: All right, I think I’m ready for it.
Me: If I ever go out in public in a red velour track suit, you can divorce me.
Alex: I’d like that in writing.
Posted in Blog
Alex and I don’t see each other in the mornings, so I generally make sure he is aware of my presence via a quickly scrawled note left on the counter. I’m sure my notes make him feel loved.

This note was intended to remind myself to turn on the crock pot in the morning. Alex added ‘crock’ and ‘roast’ to the note because he didn’t like having a note that said POT on it in the house. He felt it could be misinterpreted to mean we are tokers, but I don’t know who he thought was going to walk into our house at 6 a.m. and read the damn thing. Though I did just post it on my blog, so maybe he had a point.
Me: Ugh. I’m getting married soon… it’s time to start working out.
My female friends: No! You look great! You don’t need to lose an ounce!
Several hours later…
Me: Ugh. I’m getting married soon… it’s time to start working out.
Alex: I’ll go to the gym with you on Mondays and Wednesdays.
Posted in Blog
Dear Alex,
While you were in bed, I booked first class tickets to Hawaii for our honeymoon. This is what happens when you sleep in and I have a Discover card. You owe me a bunch of money now.
Love,
Your soon-to-be wife
P.S. You’re welcome.
Posted in Blog