By Paolo Neo [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
Me: Pasta with dinner? Good! That means wine!
Alex: Okay, but only if we go for a walk after dinner.
Me: Um, what?
Alex: We have to go for a walk after dinner.
Me: But I don’t want to.
Alex: Then we can’t have wine.
Are you sure there’s no other way I can get the wine?
Alex: Babe, someday I’m going to open a bottle of champagne with a sword.
Me: When are you going to do this?
Alex: When’s the next big occasion?
Me: Our anniversary is next month.
Alex: How am I going to get a sword?
Me: I don’t think that’s the problem in this scenario.
Me: Does the shark come back?!
(30 seconds later….)
Me: YES IT DID.
Alex: I forgot.
Me: Well we’re fighting now.
Alex: You don’t have to tell the Internet about it.
Me: YES I DO.
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This is our cat Scout. He’s a beast.
FYI: Scout is the cat.
Me: Scout’s really happy you’re back because now he’ll get fed on time.
Alex: That’s the same reason you’re happy I’m back.
Me: Yeah…but… I love you more.
FYI: Karen is my little sister, and she is a nurse.
Me: I went to the doctor today, so I get McDonald’s.
Karen: Of course you do, pumpkin.
Me: Thank you for your support.
Karen: What did the doctor give you?
Karen: No wine, then.
Me: Ridiculous. I read the entire information packet and it didn’t say anything about drinking wine!
Karen: Google antibiotics and alcohol.
Me: Google didn’t go to med school!
Me: Babe? We should have pancakes.
Alex: What? I didn’t hear you. Did you say we should have drinks?
Me: I said we should have pancakes.
Alex: Oh…I thought you said we should have drinks, and I was gonna jump all over that shit.
Me: Babe? We should have drinks.
Me: Hey babe, there’s enough orange juice left for you to make a screwdriver.
Alex: Is that your way of saying hands off the champagne?
Alex: I’m on to your games.