Maybe we should just go to the courthouse.

Posted on May 28, 2013 | 1 Comment

While writing our wedding ceremony script…

Me: This is the part where my dad gives me away.

Alex: You mean the part where I say, “You owe me six cows and four goats.”

Me: Hey!

Alex: And a bale of hay.

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And this is why I’m marrying him.

Posted on May 26, 2013 | Leave a comment

Me: Do boys just freak out when they ask girls on a date?

Alex: Yes.

Me: Did you freak out when we were dating?

Alex: Yes.

Me: When did you stop freaking out?

Alex: I don’t know…I’ll let you know when it happens.

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Don’t mess with my Jorah.

Posted on May 26, 2013 | 1 Comment

You must watch/read Game of Thrones to understand…

Me: I love Sir Jorah. Like, LOVE HIM.

Wendy: Yes! I tell my husband every week how dreamy I think Jorah is!

Me: Yes!

Wendy: Honestly, if anything happens to my Jorah, I might quit the show.

Me: I will burn shit to the motherf****** ground.

Wendy: Totally justified arson.

Me: Thank you for your support.

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I am a parking champion.

Posted on April 22, 2013 | Leave a comment

Alex: What did you do to this car, woman?!

Me: I set you up for excellence.

Alex: You set me up to run into a Mercedes!

Me: You’re welcome.

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I read romance novels, so I know all about Scottish men.

Posted on April 13, 2013 | Leave a comment

JoAnna: In Ireland, I met the cutest Scottish guy. I have a picture. [shows picture]

Me: Oh, yes. What was his name? I hope it was like…. Ian.

JoAnna: Euan!

Me: YES!!!!!!!!!

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And this is how you plan a honeymoon.

Posted on April 7, 2013 | Leave a comment

Me: What else do you want to do in Hawaii?

Alex: I really just want to relax, but by day 4, we’ll need something to do.

Me: Yeah. I mean, you can only have so much sex and drink so much wine.

Alex: That sounds like a challenge.

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And this is why we’ll need a pre-nup.

Posted on March 4, 2013 | 1 Comment
You're welcome.

You’re welcome.

Me: Babe, I’d like to make you a very important promise.

Alex: All right, I think I’m ready for it.

Me: If I ever go out in public in a red velour track suit, you can divorce me.

Alex: I’d like that in writing.

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